When I first realized what my trauma was
preventing me from doing, I can’t lie, it made me angry. Once I started this journey of intentionally healing I saw that my self esteem, ability to communicate effectively, and have healthy connections with people, had all been greatly effected by my trauma. I HATED knowing that my accusers were still effecting me. I hated living life afraid to live life. I knew that I need to make the pain make sense so I immediately began looking for something that made me want to get up everyday. Prior to this awareness, I had no desire to do anything great. In fact, I completely doubted my ability to do anything great with my life let alone the life of someone else. I was just walking through life trying to not be a horrible person but looking backward, I was definitely in survivor mode. I needed purpose and I needed to find it quick before the low energy that I was left with after being sexually violated multiple times, destroyed me. This was just about the time that I made the choice to start my own business that focused on helping others to begin this healing process.
Starting the business with low self esteem, and bad communication made this choice not one of convenience by any stretch of the imagination. And yet, opening the doors of SWW was by far the best thing I could’ve ever done because it not only gave me purpose after the pain, but also helped me to feel like I was actually making a difference in the lives of others. Let’s just be real, it’s hard to be a survivor and not feel responsible for other peoples pain.
Creating this business became an even accomplishment because, I for a long time, held the opinion that I didn’t have the capability of seeing things through to the end. Having the business for the past 4 yeas and watching it grow has been one of my greatest joys and I am super proud of myself for finally seeing something through. I am grateful that I finally saw more in myself. When I think about it, it‘s possible I guess that I hadn’t seen anything through before because I hadn’t found my purpose making other opportunities feel like a bit lackluster or overwhelming.
Had you asked me at different stages of my life, I would've told you that my passion was singing. I remember being in 3rd grade hearing Whitney Houston for the first time after recess during quiet time. I knew then that I wanted to make people feel what I felt when I heard her sing.
Now don't get me wrong, music still makes my heart sing, but helping others to heal sexual trauma makes it sing just a bit louder. Once I accepted that music wasn't all I was put here to do, I began looking at school in a very different way. I began studying psychology, cosmology, philosophy, divination, energy healing, and ultimately metaphysics. They all thrilled me so much which is why they are all incorporated into the work I currently do with clients. I loved singing but I also hated being in the spotlight. This of course was directly associated to the trauma. If I was in the spotlight, then maybe someone would want to hurt me after seeing me on stage. So I had no problem playing small and being in the background. Additionally, being a trauma coach meant that when people did look at me, they hopefully were paying more attention to my mind and energy whether than how I moved my body as I performed a song. Coaching was safer in my unhealed mind. I have had to do lots of work in helping to eliminate this fear from my life. I have yet to completely extinguish it but I like where I am at with it today. If I’m honest, this side of finding my purpose is defiantly stretching me in ways I had never imagined. But I am grateful for this space.
I ask you my friend, what part of your trauma is keeping you from walking in your purpose? Who is your trauma not allowing you to be? If you are still allowing your pain to dictate your future you are simultaneously agreeing to forgo the blissful feeling of waking up each day due to walking in your purpose.
If you would like some help with identifying your purpose, I encourage you to book a session with me so I can help you begin this magical journey of healing.