Hearing Past The Trauma

I often like to talk about the things that this journey is teaching me. One of the most common things it teaches me about trauma and how it shows up in my life every day. Trauma is real! Beyond this revelation, I am discovering that trauma is not only real, it shapes us, and can drastically affect the way that we experience life. When we have trauma of any kind in our history, we have challenges hearing what is truly being communicated to us in real-time. Instead what ultimately happens is we hear through our "trauma filter". Hearing through these trauma filters can be devastatingly damaging to relationships, and is actually more common than we may think.

My wife and I have been married for a while now and our relationship is helping me learn this concept more with each passing day. Sexual trauma left me with the stain of feeling perpetually unheard. This is an energy that I have been trying to shake since realizing it during my late teen years. Therefore, when my wife and I argue (as all married people do), I have to hear past my own trauma. This means that I have to sometimes work hard during the argument to not allow my past trauma to trick me into feeling I am not being heard. In the moment, I have to acknowledge that she is in fact hearing me and not allow my trauma to be louder than her voice. It means I must be fully present while challenging myself to look for the proof I am being heard. Sometimes, our partner's words can trigger the trauma. When this happens we are no longer really hearing their words but our past pains.

During these disagreements, I must listen but I have another responsibility during these intense conversations if I want to be fully involved in the conversation. Most of us don't recognize that our partner has their own trauma as well that may be coming out during the conversation. Hearing past her trauma helps me to maintain a heart position of compassion. Can you imagine how listening past the trauma, and positioning my heart from a space of compassion has the ability to completely change the trajectory of not only the conversation but the relationship as a whole? Maybe this is what I am saying in a nutshell. Maybe this whole thing is about being kind and gentle with one's self and our loved ones, especially during moments of a heated conversation.

So this is what I want to encourage you to do. I want to encourage you to be kind to yourself and responsive to your trauma and the trauma of your loved ones. Hear past your trauma, my friend. Learn to be present with your heart taking everything into consideration so you can be honest about your pain.

If you are reading this and would like to learn more about how to perfect this concept with the hopes of maybe improving your relationship, I want to encourage you to reach out to me for a couple's session today.

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