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The Plaguing Question

It was a question that I used to ask myself constantly, one that plagued my thoughts and gnawed at

my identity. The question of whether or not I was gay because I had been sexually violated early in my childhood was always there in the back of my mind. But as time passed, I began to realize that my sexual orientation was not something that needed an explanation. While I wouldn't rule out sexual assault as the "cause", I feel I have greater things to focus on.

It was like trying to figure out how I became African American. I simply was. My sexuality, just like my race, was a part of me and something that I had no control over. It was a part of my identity that I learned to embrace, not shun. I found myself more comfortable in my own skin as I stopped worrying about

My wife, Regina, and I

how people would react to me. Not only that, I have learned that my sexuality does not define me as a person, and am more concerned with how I show up first for myself then for others.

And let me tell you, the reaction I got after "coming out" (a phrase I hate by the way), was not always pleasant. When I first came out, I had people who tried to convince me that my life would be miserable. That I would be hated, ridiculed, and discriminated against. But the thing is, I already was. I was miserable living a life that wasn't mine, pretending to be someone I wasn't just to please others.

It wasn't until I fully accepted and embraced my true self that my life began to flourish. I met amazing people who accepted me for who I am and encouraged me to be proud of it. I found myself becoming happier, more confident, and more at peace with who I was.

Now, I strive to share this same message with my clients. To encourage them to be true to themselves and never let anyone else dictate their worth or their identity. It may not always be easy, but I can promise you that the reward of living your true life is worth all the struggles you may face along the way.

So to those who ask me how I "became" gay, I say that it's not a question that I concern myself with anymore. Today I focus on "being". I am who I am, and that's all that matters. I am proud of who I am and where I came from, and I will continue to live my life to the fullest, embracing my authentic self every step of the way. I hope this encourages you to do the same.

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